goals, Life, Random Thoughts



I’ve never been interested in celebrating New Years. It’s just another day for me. I’ve never been interested in setting resolutions because I think they’re bullshit. However, I do love the idea of a fresh start. I do love the idea of making and planning new goals. I love the idea of new checklists and fresh motivation. I’ve thought a lot over the last few weeks about the things I want to work on in the new year. The things I want to finish and the things I want to start. Below is the list of things I came up with and I’m really excited to get started!

A few years ago I set a goal to finish all of the books I had been neglecting for years. I read them all, but since then I have added a pile. One of the goals for this year is to read all the unread books I currently have. I don’t allow myself to buy any new books until all the old ones are finished. The pile is a lot smaller than it was a few years ago. I’ve gotten away from reading. I want to get back into it and this goal will help with that.

Like the books, I have a few projects that I haven’t finished. Some I’ve had for a few years now. I want to get them finished. I don’t like to waste anything and seeing them sitting around seems like a waste of money to me. There are also several things I want to try making. I’ve been eyeing up a weaving kit for months and a few other things I would like to learn. However, I won’t allow myself to buy or look into any new project until the unfinished ones are completed.

Last year I set a “resolution” to stay off my phone while driving. I have failed miserably at this and I have probably gotten worse. I’m going to get the podcast I want to listen to set up and then throw my phone in the back seat. It’s not worth the risk and it’s really stupid.

I started working on this one late in 2017, but I really want to keep working on it in the new year. I’ve had a hard time saying no to things in the past. I just feel bad about it. However, I’m no longer feeling bad. If I don’t want to do something I’m saying no. If I don’t want to go somewhere I’m not going. If I make plans and suddenly the anxiety and regret are too overwhelming I’m rescheduling. It is what it is. The people who know me and care about me will understand and the people that don’t can get over it.

I recently sat down with one of my coworkers and took a look at my finances. I set some pretty manageable goals with him. Goals that should *fingers crossed* have my school loans paid off in 14 months. 14 months!! I can’t even imagine the feeling, but I’m so excited to get started this month. Watching that loan chip away is a going to feel amazing. School loans are a beast. Because of this 14 month goal, I decided to really start paying attention to how I spend my money. I’m not careless with my money, but I’d like to tighten things up until this loan is paid off. I unsubscribed to all of the stores that send me emails. I have no interest in careless spending, but it helps to not see the daily emails.

Something I really plan on paying attention to is mindful eating. I have always been a fast eater. This has to do with the fact that I don’t drink while I’m eating and I don’t talk. I don’t carelessly eat so when I take the time to sit down for my meal I’m hungry. I’ve found myself eating faster though. Faster than usual. I need to slow down. I need to savor smaller bites and chew thoroughly. I want to pay attention to the smells, textures, and flavors. Paying closer attention to these things will slow my eating down. I’m going to put a lot of effort into this. It’s going to be really hard, but I’m committed.

I don’t have any set goals where my weight, body, fitness, running, etc are concerned. That will probably change Wednesday night after an appointment I have after work. I’m really looking forward to staying focused and working hard this year. It’ll be my first solid year with a really good handle on my macros. It’ll be a solid year of Crossfit. It’ll be a solid year of pushing myself in terms of running. I can’t wait to see what I can accomplish this year. I really want to focus on form and getting better at certain things (push-ups, burpees, pull-ups, etc). The plan is to get my own barbell to work on technique at home. I recently went to a 5 a.m. class at the gym and loved it. It allowed for my evening to be open. Going to a few 5 a.m. classes during the week will allow me to work on some of the above goals. It will allow for me to have more of a social life. It will open up so much time. What will I do with all of this time?

I’d be lying if I said I was feeling extra excited about this next year. The years feel the same to me anymore and putting an expectation on them isn’t need. The year will be what it wants to be. I’m looking forward to working on the above. I’m looking forward to working on myself. I’m looking forward to this next year of life.

The last few months have had me in a funk. It’s been hard for me to write. My head feels messy and empty and full all at the same time. I want to use the space to express my gratitude more. I want to pay attention to the things I have in life that are important to me and stop worrying about the things I don’t have. I have so much to be thankful for and I want to recognize that. Happy New Year, friends.

Depression, Life, Random Thoughts, Weekend

Weekend 45: Currently


thinking that it bums me out it’s been a week since I last posted.

feeling full from the the pigs in the blanket my mom made for dinner. They were so good!

looking forward to only having to work a four day week

wondering why I’ve had so many (mild) headaches lately. I never get headaches.

loving how blonde my hair is and excited to see what we can do with the blonde at my next appointment.

wondering if I should go dark once I’m over the blonde… hehe

wanting my hair to be long again and to be healthy. so long are the days of straightening over and over and over and ahhhhh

wishing my sister a happy 26th birthday this Wednesday.

excited to go out Saturday and celebrate with her and friends

wearing everything and anything that will keep me warm. I don’t know when this started, but being cold is almost painful.

feeling really tired lately.

realizing my depression might be more seasonal than we thought or realized.

wanting to start reading all of the books I have that are unread.

deciding on goals for the new year. Did I mention that last Sunday? It’s on my mind a lot lately.

working on myself always.

appreciating my parents and my siblings. they’re the four most important people in my life.

Hi, friends. I haven’t posted in a week. I’ve been dealing with a little bit of brain fog when it comes to writing. I think about it constantly, but when I go to put words to paper it’s all a mess. The last few weeks I’ve noticed I’ve had more down days than I’ve had in a long time. I think it could have a lot to do with the season changing, the shorter days, the lack of sunshine, the cold, the weather. It’s something my doctor and I are keeping an eye on, but it’s also something I recognize. Something I’m aware of and something I take note of. Last year at this time I started slipping into my darkest months, but I wasn’t educated then. I wasn’t aware of the signs and how to reroute my mind and my thoughts. I have the tools now to take control, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have hard days. Right now it’s just wearing me down. I think about this space every day and already have plans for my second reoccurring weekly post. This one will go up Thursday of every week and I’m exited for it. It’s something I’ll have to work on thought the week. Looking forward to sharing it with you this Thursday. I hope you all have a motivating Monday. xoxo