goals, Life, Random Thoughts

2018

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I’ve never been interested in celebrating New Years. It’s just another day for me. I’ve never been interested in setting resolutions because I think they’re bullshit. However, I do love the idea of a fresh start. I do love the idea of making and planning new goals. I love the idea of new checklists and fresh motivation. I’ve thought a lot over the last few weeks about the things I want to work on in the new year. The things I want to finish and the things I want to start. Below is the list of things I came up with and I’m really excited to get started!

A few years ago I set a goal to finish all of the books I had been neglecting for years. I read them all, but since then I have added a pile. One of the goals for this year is to read all the unread books I currently have. I don’t allow myself to buy any new books until all the old ones are finished. The pile is a lot smaller than it was a few years ago. I’ve gotten away from reading. I want to get back into it and this goal will help with that.

Like the books, I have a few projects that I haven’t finished. Some I’ve had for a few years now. I want to get them finished. I don’t like to waste anything and seeing them sitting around seems like a waste of money to me. There are also several things I want to try making. I’ve been eyeing up a weaving kit for months and a few other things I would like to learn. However, I won’t allow myself to buy or look into any new project until the unfinished ones are completed.

Last year I set a “resolution” to stay off my phone while driving. I have failed miserably at this and I have probably gotten worse. I’m going to get the podcast I want to listen to set up and then throw my phone in the back seat. It’s not worth the risk and it’s really stupid.

I started working on this one late in 2017, but I really want to keep working on it in the new year. I’ve had a hard time saying no to things in the past. I just feel bad about it. However, I’m no longer feeling bad. If I don’t want to do something I’m saying no. If I don’t want to go somewhere I’m not going. If I make plans and suddenly the anxiety and regret are too overwhelming I’m rescheduling. It is what it is. The people who know me and care about me will understand and the people that don’t can get over it.

I recently sat down with one of my coworkers and took a look at my finances. I set some pretty manageable goals with him. Goals that should *fingers crossed* have my school loans paid off in 14 months. 14 months!! I can’t even imagine the feeling, but I’m so excited to get started this month. Watching that loan chip away is a going to feel amazing. School loans are a beast. Because of this 14 month goal, I decided to really start paying attention to how I spend my money. I’m not careless with my money, but I’d like to tighten things up until this loan is paid off. I unsubscribed to all of the stores that send me emails. I have no interest in careless spending, but it helps to not see the daily emails.

Something I really plan on paying attention to is mindful eating. I have always been a fast eater. This has to do with the fact that I don’t drink while I’m eating and I don’t talk. I don’t carelessly eat so when I take the time to sit down for my meal I’m hungry. I’ve found myself eating faster though. Faster than usual. I need to slow down. I need to savor smaller bites and chew thoroughly. I want to pay attention to the smells, textures, and flavors. Paying closer attention to these things will slow my eating down. I’m going to put a lot of effort into this. It’s going to be really hard, but I’m committed.

I don’t have any set goals where my weight, body, fitness, running, etc are concerned. That will probably change Wednesday night after an appointment I have after work. I’m really looking forward to staying focused and working hard this year. It’ll be my first solid year with a really good handle on my macros. It’ll be a solid year of Crossfit. It’ll be a solid year of pushing myself in terms of running. I can’t wait to see what I can accomplish this year. I really want to focus on form and getting better at certain things (push-ups, burpees, pull-ups, etc). The plan is to get my own barbell to work on technique at home. I recently went to a 5 a.m. class at the gym and loved it. It allowed for my evening to be open. Going to a few 5 a.m. classes during the week will allow me to work on some of the above goals. It will allow for me to have more of a social life. It will open up so much time. What will I do with all of this time?

I’d be lying if I said I was feeling extra excited about this next year. The years feel the same to me anymore and putting an expectation on them isn’t need. The year will be what it wants to be. I’m looking forward to working on the above. I’m looking forward to working on myself. I’m looking forward to this next year of life.

The last few months have had me in a funk. It’s been hard for me to write. My head feels messy and empty and full all at the same time. I want to use the space to express my gratitude more. I want to pay attention to the things I have in life that are important to me and stop worrying about the things I don’t have. I have so much to be thankful for and I want to recognize that. Happy New Year, friends.

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Weekend

Weekend 44: Currently

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watching Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown… new episodes, repeats, all of them. I love his honesty and his truth and really just him.

started season 2 of Stranger Things and wishing I was a kid in the 80’s. I’m sure my mother would say, “Ugh why?” haha, but it just seemed like a simpler time.

thinking a great drinking game would be binge watching the first season of Stranger Things and having to take a drink every time they say Will’s name, because it’s a lot.

feeling very proud of my 7 mile run today. The last mile was a lot of walking, but my hips were sore and that hill was huge. Can’t wait to continue working on these 7 miles and seeing where I can get to next.

looking forward to pumpkin season being over because every recipe I find is pumpkin this and pumpkin that and no thank you.

listening to Demi Lovato every day. Who am I?

decided on a goal for the last two months in 2017 and thinking about some new goals for 2018.

waiting on my sister’s birthday gift to ship. I ordered it in August and it has YET to ship. Her birthday is in 11 days. I ordered my Dad’s birthday gift on Thursday (his birthday is in 5 days) and got it in the mail on Friday… figure that one out would yah.

forgetting that Tuesday is Halloween, but also not really caring? Is that okay?

wearing oversized hoodies, thick socks and comfy pants all weekend. Fall has finally arrived in full force and one of the best parts is layering all of the clothes. One of the worst parts is still being cold after all the layers. *cough* my office *cough*

Have a safe Halloween, friends. Keep an eye out for those kiddos if you’re out driving during trick or treating hours.

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Weightloss

Keep Pushing

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The photo on the left was taken on September 18th, 2016 and the photo on the right was taken on Tuesday. The only reason I thought to put these two photos together was because when I put this shirt on it fit noticeably different. I love this photo because it shows all the work I really put in the last year. The girl on the left was just starting to learn how to eat again after her 100 pound weight loss and 18 pound weight gain. However, she wasn’t feeling good physically or mentally. She felt puffy and not herself. She was disappointed and not understanding why she had put on 18 pounds since April. She was about to embark on a hard winter, but a winter she would fight her way out of. She just started high intensity interval training and was working out 5 days a week. The girl on the right is down more than 20 pounds and has moved on to Crossfit. The girl on the right is having fun eating. She knows how to enjoy things and likes planning her meals. She is loving her gym and her workouts. The girl on the right is strong. The girl on the right is proud.

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Random Thoughts

Introduction to the Blog

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They say when you start a blog your first post should be an introductory post and it should outline what you plan on writing about and your goals. Every time I started to write a post like that it sounded dumb and pointless. So, I decided to put this post off until after a few entries. I’ve gone back and forth over starting a blog for close to 10 years, but I never had a direction I wanted to take it. Recently I’ve felt like I needed to share my story. I needed to share the things I’ve been through and the journey I’ve been on. I’ve noticed that the more open I’ve become with people the more they open up to me. It made me realize that we all go through similar things. We all have similar struggles. If I’m open and willing to share mine maybe it’ll help one person see that they aren’t alone. Maybe it’ll show them that it’s okay to ask for help.

I started this blog off on a rough note, but that’s kind of how I do things. I just dive in. That’s of course after I obsess over every way something will fail and every way I will screw it up (hi! my grammar game is not strong), but THEN and ONLY then will I dive in. I’m someone that does not enjoy small talk and by not enjoy I of course mean loathe. I like deep and meaningful conversations. I like learning about people and hearing about their plans and goals. If you want to talk about the weather you can keep it moving. Tell me your deepest darkest secret or get lost. In all seriousness (just that last part was a joke.. I really do dislike small talk) I plan on keeping you up to date on my depression. Winters are tough and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous for the coming months. I plan on posting my self-doubts and my bad days. I’m going to post them for myself because writing them out makes me realize how silly they can be. I’m also going to post them for you to show that we all have negative thoughts and bad days. I’m going to push myself to share my fears and failures. The goal is to be as open as possible or as open as I’m willing to get.

The blog wont be all doom and gloom. I want to post about my good days too. My time spent with my friends and family, outings and adventures. I want to share about movies and the books I’m reading. I’ll be posting about music because music is literally life. I plan on posting about my weight loss and that incredibly long journey and where I’m at with it currently. I’m going to post about my fitness journey and my goals in that department. I’m going to post about work and my long and short term goals in life. I’m going to post everything and anything I want. If you have questions or recommendations feel free to share them with me. I love the feedback.

Speaking of feedback, the outpouring of support I received on my posts about depression were unexpected and so moving. I received texts from friends saying their boyfriends were reading them. I received messages from people telling me they have gone through similar things or are going through it now. I received support, love and motivation. I truly cannot express how much your comments and love meant to me. I think most of us keep a lot of things locked up and I’m certainly guilty of that, but we all have things we need to talk about. We all have things we need help with. Sharing and opening up to all of you showed me that we are not alone.

So, thanks again and stay tuned. I have a Halsey (eek!) post coming up. It might actually turn into two posts. I’m excited! See you soon.

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