goals, Life, Random Thoughts, Weightloss

How I Meal Plan


What I’m eating, when I’m eating, how I’m eating, where I’m eating, how much I’m eating, etc. etc. is something that is always being brought up to me and something I’m questioned about. I don’t mind talking about it with people who take it seriously, but I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed having the same conversation over and over with people that are just looking for a secret to success. Before I lost 135 pounds I ate like a five-year-old. I ate whatever I wanted, how much of it I wanted, when I wanted and where ever I wanted. I lost 50 pounds in the beginning by only changing my eating habits. Yes, I said 50 pounds with minimal changes. This goes to show you how much weight I had to lose and how poorly I ate. It might not work that way for you. You might not have as much weight to lose. We are all different. I went on to lose 50 more pounds this way.

For the past almost year and a half I’ve counted macros. Macronutrients are what our bodies use for energy – primarily fat, protein and carbs. It took me a good six months to get a handle on it. Maybe I’m a slow learner? Who knows, but for me, it wasn’t until I became very specific in my counting that I started to see results. What I love about counting macros is that I can eat whatever I want as long as it fits into my daily amount. This doesn’t mean I can fill my day with only chips and cakes and expect to see results. However, it does mean I can have the occasional bowl of ice cream and I’m fine. It does mean I can find a decent brownie recipe online and factor it in for dessert.

I sit in front of a computer for ten hours a day typing in numbers and answering emails so I have a lot of time to think about what I want to eat the following week. I eat a lot of the same things. I can go months eating the same thing, for every meal, Monday through Friday without getting sick of it. It makes planning and prepping a lot easier. Once I narrow down what I plan on eating I type it out with the macros for each item. I then add them up to make sure I’m not going over on my daily amount. I’ve been eating an 1800 cal meal plan every day since I started counting. My plan consists of 230g of carbs, 110g of protein and 40g of fat. Originally, I was eating 50g of fat a day, but after DNA testing I learned that my body doesn’t burn fat as well as it does carbs and protein. I take the extra 10g I took from my daily fat intake and add it to the carbs and protein.

Below is an example of one of my meal plans. I measure or weigh everything. The first line shows the meal, the time I eat it and the number of macros I’m trying to reach for that meal. I like to have a bigger meal for my fourth meal so I save fat and other things throughout the day for that meal. I list out what I’m eating for each meal and the number of macros in each item. I total them up and then subtract to find if I have any remaining carbs etc. to use or take away from the remaining meals. You’ll see at the end of this day I went over a few grams of carbs, but I have some protein and fat remaining. Some days I’ll get it spot on and other days it’ll look like this. As long as I’m not too much over or under I call it a win.

230g CHO, 110g Protein, 40g Fat

7:30-8:00 Meal One: (50g CHO, 30g Protein, 15g Fat)
2 servings Honey Nut Cheerios (44g CHO, 4g Protein, 3g Fat)
8 oz Almond Milk (1g CHO, 1g Protein, 2.5g Fat)
1 scoop Protein (0g CHO, 25g Protein, 0g Fat)
Total: 45g CHO, 30g Protein, 5.5g Fat
Remaining: +5g CHO, 0g Protein, +9.5g Fat

11:30-12:00 Meal Two: (65g CHO, 30g Protein, 10g Fat)
1 serving Loaded Baked Omelet Muffins (2.5g CHO, 14g Protein, 11g Fat)
Easy Bagel (26.5g CHO, 10g Protein, .3g Fat)
1/2 serving Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Cream Cheese (4g CHO, 1g Protein, 2.25g Fat)
½ cup berries (10g CHO)
Total: 43g CHO, 25g Protein, 13.55g Fat
Remaining: +27g CHO, +5g Protein, +5.95g Fat

3:00-3:30 Meal Three: (50g CHO, 25g Protein, 12g Fat)
1/2 cup chopped broccoli (6g CHO, 2g Protein)
1/2 cup chopped cauliflower (3g CHO, 1g Protein)
1/2 cup chopped celery (3g CHO, 1g Protein)
1/2 cup shredded red cabbage (5g CHO, 1g Protein)
1/2 cup shredded cabbage (4g CHO, 1g Protein)
1/2 cup sliced carrots (6g CHO, 1g Protein)
3 tbsp Light Italian Dressing (3g CHO, 0g Protein, 3g Fat)
2.6 oz pouch Light Tuna in Water (0g CHO, 17g Protein, .5g Fat)
Total: 30g CHO, 24g Protein, 3.5g Fat
Remaining: +47g CHO, +6g Protein, +14.45g Fat

6:30-7:00 Meal Four: (65g CHO, 25g Protein, 12g Fat)
1/2 cup Oats (28g CHO, 5g Protein, 2.5g Fat)
1 tbsp chia seeds (6g CHO, 3g Protein, 5g Fat)
Greek yogurt (6g CHO, 15g Protein, 0g Fat)
1 tbsp Honey (17g CHO)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup Almond Milk (.5g CHO, .5g Protein, 1.25g Fat)
1/2 cup Strawberries (10g CHO)
2 tbsp 2 tsp Kind Granola (10g CHO, 1.5g Protein, 3.5g Fat)
Cookies ‘n Cream Brownie (22.7g CHO, 1.6g Protein, 2.9g Fat)
62g Banana (14g CHO)
Total: 114.2g CHO, 25g Protein, 12.75g Fat
Remaining: -2.2g CHO, +6 Protein, +13.7gFat

I find most of my recipes and meal ideas online. If a food blog or cookbook doesn’t have the nutrition information I skip it. There are apps and things you can use to calculate the nutrition for a recipe, but I find it to be a lot of work. Once I have the above figured out I go through my refrigerator and pantry and make a grocery list. I shop at Aldi and Giant Eagle weekly. I make a list for each in the order of how the stores are organized. I either prep as soon as I get home or first thing the next morning. Containers are key to meal prepping. I used to hate meal prepping and up until I started counting macros I didn’t cook much of anything. Now I’ll put on Netflix or a Podcast and I can be in the kitchen for hours cooking and prepping perfectly content. It’s what you make of it. Some weekends meal prepping is two hours, other weeks it’s five hours. It all depends on the meal plan. If I have a busy weekend coming up I plan a simpler meal plan that won’t involve as much cooking or prepping.

Hopefully, this answers some of the questions and helps you understand my eating habits a little more. Also, if I have plans to go out to eat I’ll research the restaurant ahead of time and plan my meal before I get there. A lot of restaurants provide the nutrition information online. I don’t drink alcohol, but I know people that do and easily count the macros for it. I only drink water. It should be noted that macros are different for every individual. You shouldn’t follow my daily intake. It all depends on your weight, age, how active you are, etc.



goals, Life, Random Thoughts



I’ve never been interested in celebrating New Years. It’s just another day for me. I’ve never been interested in setting resolutions because I think they’re bullshit. However, I do love the idea of a fresh start. I do love the idea of making and planning new goals. I love the idea of new checklists and fresh motivation. I’ve thought a lot over the last few weeks about the things I want to work on in the new year. The things I want to finish and the things I want to start. Below is the list of things I came up with and I’m really excited to get started!

A few years ago I set a goal to finish all of the books I had been neglecting for years. I read them all, but since then I have added a pile. One of the goals for this year is to read all the unread books I currently have. I don’t allow myself to buy any new books until all the old ones are finished. The pile is a lot smaller than it was a few years ago. I’ve gotten away from reading. I want to get back into it and this goal will help with that.

Like the books, I have a few projects that I haven’t finished. Some I’ve had for a few years now. I want to get them finished. I don’t like to waste anything and seeing them sitting around seems like a waste of money to me. There are also several things I want to try making. I’ve been eyeing up a weaving kit for months and a few other things I would like to learn. However, I won’t allow myself to buy or look into any new project until the unfinished ones are completed.

Last year I set a “resolution” to stay off my phone while driving. I have failed miserably at this and I have probably gotten worse. I’m going to get the podcast I want to listen to set up and then throw my phone in the back seat. It’s not worth the risk and it’s really stupid.

I started working on this one late in 2017, but I really want to keep working on it in the new year. I’ve had a hard time saying no to things in the past. I just feel bad about it. However, I’m no longer feeling bad. If I don’t want to do something I’m saying no. If I don’t want to go somewhere I’m not going. If I make plans and suddenly the anxiety and regret are too overwhelming I’m rescheduling. It is what it is. The people who know me and care about me will understand and the people that don’t can get over it.

I recently sat down with one of my coworkers and took a look at my finances. I set some pretty manageable goals with him. Goals that should *fingers crossed* have my school loans paid off in 14 months. 14 months!! I can’t even imagine the feeling, but I’m so excited to get started this month. Watching that loan chip away is a going to feel amazing. School loans are a beast. Because of this 14 month goal, I decided to really start paying attention to how I spend my money. I’m not careless with my money, but I’d like to tighten things up until this loan is paid off. I unsubscribed to all of the stores that send me emails. I have no interest in careless spending, but it helps to not see the daily emails.

Something I really plan on paying attention to is mindful eating. I have always been a fast eater. This has to do with the fact that I don’t drink while I’m eating and I don’t talk. I don’t carelessly eat so when I take the time to sit down for my meal I’m hungry. I’ve found myself eating faster though. Faster than usual. I need to slow down. I need to savor smaller bites and chew thoroughly. I want to pay attention to the smells, textures, and flavors. Paying closer attention to these things will slow my eating down. I’m going to put a lot of effort into this. It’s going to be really hard, but I’m committed.

I don’t have any set goals where my weight, body, fitness, running, etc are concerned. That will probably change Wednesday night after an appointment I have after work. I’m really looking forward to staying focused and working hard this year. It’ll be my first solid year with a really good handle on my macros. It’ll be a solid year of Crossfit. It’ll be a solid year of pushing myself in terms of running. I can’t wait to see what I can accomplish this year. I really want to focus on form and getting better at certain things (push-ups, burpees, pull-ups, etc). The plan is to get my own barbell to work on technique at home. I recently went to a 5 a.m. class at the gym and loved it. It allowed for my evening to be open. Going to a few 5 a.m. classes during the week will allow me to work on some of the above goals. It will allow for me to have more of a social life. It will open up so much time. What will I do with all of this time?

I’d be lying if I said I was feeling extra excited about this next year. The years feel the same to me anymore and putting an expectation on them isn’t need. The year will be what it wants to be. I’m looking forward to working on the above. I’m looking forward to working on myself. I’m looking forward to this next year of life.

The last few months have had me in a funk. It’s been hard for me to write. My head feels messy and empty and full all at the same time. I want to use the space to express my gratitude more. I want to pay attention to the things I have in life that are important to me and stop worrying about the things I don’t have. I have so much to be thankful for and I want to recognize that. Happy New Year, friends.

Depression, Life, Random Thoughts, Weekend

Weekend 45: Currently


thinking that it bums me out it’s been a week since I last posted.

feeling full from the the pigs in the blanket my mom made for dinner. They were so good!

looking forward to only having to work a four day week

wondering why I’ve had so many (mild) headaches lately. I never get headaches.

loving how blonde my hair is and excited to see what we can do with the blonde at my next appointment.

wondering if I should go dark once I’m over the blonde… hehe

wanting my hair to be long again and to be healthy. so long are the days of straightening over and over and over and ahhhhh

wishing my sister a happy 26th birthday this Wednesday.

excited to go out Saturday and celebrate with her and friends

wearing everything and anything that will keep me warm. I don’t know when this started, but being cold is almost painful.

feeling really tired lately.

realizing my depression might be more seasonal than we thought or realized.

wanting to start reading all of the books I have that are unread.

deciding on goals for the new year. Did I mention that last Sunday? It’s on my mind a lot lately.

working on myself always.

appreciating my parents and my siblings. they’re the four most important people in my life.

Hi, friends. I haven’t posted in a week. I’ve been dealing with a little bit of brain fog when it comes to writing. I think about it constantly, but when I go to put words to paper it’s all a mess. The last few weeks I’ve noticed I’ve had more down days than I’ve had in a long time. I think it could have a lot to do with the season changing, the shorter days, the lack of sunshine, the cold, the weather. It’s something my doctor and I are keeping an eye on, but it’s also something I recognize. Something I’m aware of and something I take note of. Last year at this time I started slipping into my darkest months, but I wasn’t educated then. I wasn’t aware of the signs and how to reroute my mind and my thoughts. I have the tools now to take control, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have hard days. Right now it’s just wearing me down. I think about this space every day and already have plans for my second reoccurring weekly post. This one will go up Thursday of every week and I’m exited for it. It’s something I’ll have to work on thought the week. Looking forward to sharing it with you this Thursday. I hope you all have a motivating Monday. xoxo


friends, Life, Random Thoughts, Weekend

Weekend 43 : Currently


Before I started this blog I knew I wanted to have some reoccurring posts planned for every week. Reoccurring posts like this are some of my favorites to read on other blogs. They also help keep a schedule and are time savers. I remembered Elise Blaha Cripe used to do a monthly “currently” post. It was one of my favorite reoccurring posts she wrote (I miss her blog so much ughhh). I decided I would do something like this every Sunday to wrap up my weekend instead of writing a long winded post. Tracy over at Shutterbean wraps up her weeks with a Every Day Life post with lots of photos from her week. I decided to take a little of both of their ideas and make my own post for Sundays. I hope you enjoy my Sunday posts as much as I enjoyed reading Elise’s and now enjoy Tracy’s posts.

realizing I need to start wearing my winter pj pants to bed. The nights have gotten significantly colder and we don’t have the heat on yet. brrr!

enjoying my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe my mom baked this afternoon and not feeling an ounce of guilt about it. Balance, baby!

watching The Harvest Wedding on the Hallmark Channel. Sometimes I’m a sucker for a good chick flick you guys, but this leading man… really?

looking forward to next Saturday’s plans with Nikki.

listening to all the music right now and paying close attention to the lyrics that are hitting close to home.

feeling jealous of how close to the Montour Trail Maddy is, but happy we got a six mile walk in on Saturday. Walking and talking with friends might be my favorite.

hunting for the perfect motorcycle jacket with gold zippers, the right length and fit. this might be the hardest hunt… ever.

deciding to have a better week mentally than I did last week.

crossing my fingers that the rain doesn’t start until after I get to work and then stops long enough for me to walk back to my car tomorrow. I really hate taking the T you guys.

planning my next two months worth of weekends full of friends and fun outings.

wishing you a great week!

Depression, friends, Random Thoughts

Self Critical


We all have an inner critic. Some of us have a stronger one than others. Some of us just barely have one, but either way it’s there. I can tell you that mine is rock hard strong and comes out at every chance it gets. Sometimes it’ll knock the wind right out of me. It can come out over the strangest things. Things nobody would think twice about. Things I shouldn’t think twice about. Things that aren’t even real. Things I try to push aside, but can’t because I don’t have a handle on it. One of my biggest fears and something that really bothers me is feeling or looking stupid. When I say stupid I mean actually stupid, embarrassed, foolish, vulnerable, etc. Sure, these are things none of us like to feel, but I work my life around not feeling them.

There are times when I’m walking down the street and I’ll play out in my head tripping over something on the sidewalk and how embarrassed I would feel if that happened. I’ll figure out how I would recover from that embarrassment and what my next step would be. I’ll replay it and replay it until I’m done walking or someone or something distracts my mind. Sometimes I’ll play out a situation that could happen with me in a room full of people or at the office that would be mortifying and I’ll sit and hope and pray it doesn’t happen and worry that it will because I thought about it. This probably isn’t normal and feeling this embarrassment and shame over something that’s not even real is embarrassing (there’s that word again) to admit. In fact, it’s not something I’ve ever admitted or even talking about.

I talked in my depression posts about how I don’t like to not know what I’m doing or to have to ask questions. This goes back to that. I recently started a new job and the first few months of a new job can be hard for me. I want to be perfect right away. I struggle with wanting to be the best at everything I’m doing immediately. When I’m not perfect or I make mistakes my inner critic comes out in full force. When I make mistakes, I can’t help but feel as if everyone around me is thinking or talking about how dumb I am. I replay a mistake over and over in my head and wonder how I could have avoided making that mistake and how to never do it again. When my coworkers talk about people in other offices being dumb I get nervous. I hate hearing them say things like that because I associate myself with these dumb people.

I guess I’m different in the way that I criticize myself. Sure, I criticize my body and there are things I don’t like, but I criticize my mind and my abilities more than anything. I struggle with feeling smart enough or educated enough or capable of doing things. I’m always doubting myself. I worry about everything and if it’ll make me look foolish. I was brought up to not care about what people think and for the most part I don’t. However, when I criticize myself so severally it doesn’t matter what other people think or don’t think because I’m already thinking it myself.

This is something I realize I need to work on and probably should bring up in therapy. This is a reason I spend every night in the gym. A few weeks ago, I sent an invoice to the wrong client and they emailed our AR email back saying it wasn’t their invoice. I was so embarrassed because the whole team saw my mix up. I was even more humiliated when my boss emailed me to say I needed to pay close attention. Sure, it was JUST AN EMAIL, but it ruined my entire day and left me feeling shame to the highest degree. Shame over an EMAIL that my coworkers probably didn’t even notice because we get hundreds of emails. The shame followed me home and stuck with me for hours and it wasn’t until I started my work out that I was able to clear it form my mind.

I need to cut myself some slack. I need to remind myself that people make mistakes. We all have bad days. Things happen and we move on from them. It’s not possible to go into every new situation and know exactly what to do or how to perform. You won’t be perfect at anything and you don’t need to be. You might fall on your face in front of a block of people, but who cares? You don’t know them. Get up, brush yourself off and keep walking. Now, if I could just get this message through to my inner critic that would be great.

Random Thoughts

Introduction to the Blog


They say when you start a blog your first post should be an introductory post and it should outline what you plan on writing about and your goals. Every time I started to write a post like that it sounded dumb and pointless. So, I decided to put this post off until after a few entries. I’ve gone back and forth over starting a blog for close to 10 years, but I never had a direction I wanted to take it. Recently I’ve felt like I needed to share my story. I needed to share the things I’ve been through and the journey I’ve been on. I’ve noticed that the more open I’ve become with people the more they open up to me. It made me realize that we all go through similar things. We all have similar struggles. If I’m open and willing to share mine maybe it’ll help one person see that they aren’t alone. Maybe it’ll show them that it’s okay to ask for help.

I started this blog off on a rough note, but that’s kind of how I do things. I just dive in. That’s of course after I obsess over every way something will fail and every way I will screw it up (hi! my grammar game is not strong), but THEN and ONLY then will I dive in. I’m someone that does not enjoy small talk and by not enjoy I of course mean loathe. I like deep and meaningful conversations. I like learning about people and hearing about their plans and goals. If you want to talk about the weather you can keep it moving. Tell me your deepest darkest secret or get lost. In all seriousness (just that last part was a joke.. I really do dislike small talk) I plan on keeping you up to date on my depression. Winters are tough and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous for the coming months. I plan on posting my self-doubts and my bad days. I’m going to post them for myself because writing them out makes me realize how silly they can be. I’m also going to post them for you to show that we all have negative thoughts and bad days. I’m going to push myself to share my fears and failures. The goal is to be as open as possible or as open as I’m willing to get.

The blog wont be all doom and gloom. I want to post about my good days too. My time spent with my friends and family, outings and adventures. I want to share about movies and the books I’m reading. I’ll be posting about music because music is literally life. I plan on posting about my weight loss and that incredibly long journey and where I’m at with it currently. I’m going to post about my fitness journey and my goals in that department. I’m going to post about work and my long and short term goals in life. I’m going to post everything and anything I want. If you have questions or recommendations feel free to share them with me. I love the feedback.

Speaking of feedback, the outpouring of support I received on my posts about depression were unexpected and so moving. I received texts from friends saying their boyfriends were reading them. I received messages from people telling me they have gone through similar things or are going through it now. I received support, love and motivation. I truly cannot express how much your comments and love meant to me. I think most of us keep a lot of things locked up and I’m certainly guilty of that, but we all have things we need to talk about. We all have things we need help with. Sharing and opening up to all of you showed me that we are not alone.

So, thanks again and stay tuned. I have a Halsey (eek!) post coming up. It might actually turn into two posts. I’m excited! See you soon.